为什么我的这篇作文是6分

【题目】
Some people think traveling abroad is a valuable experience for young people. Others think it wastes too much time and expense. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

0424考试，考完信心满满能上7，结果却是6。刚开始觉得肯定是给分有问题，后来我自己慢慢找原因，觉得6分是有道理的。我不知道自己总结的4个问题是不是都对，请Lynn帮我看看哈~

【考场作文回忆】
There are conflicting views about whether young people should travel abroad. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument followed by my own opinion.

Those who think traveling abroad is a valuable experience for young people may present the following argument. Young people are at the critical stage of developing different skills. If they have the opportunity to travel abroad, they are exposed to different cultures, which helps them to become open-minded and they will not be restricted by their own culture. When they encounter difficulties in life, they are able to analyze the problems from different angles, which helps to solve the problems efficiently and effectively. This process is also beneficial for young people to develop critical thinking. Therefore, traveling abroad is a valuable experience for young people.

Those who think traveling abroad wastes too much time and expense may also justify their opinion. For one thing, young people usually need to spend a lot of time on study or work. If young people travel to other countries, they need to make plans and stay at other countries for days or even months. Then they do not have sufficient time allocated to work or study, which will certainly affect their performance at work or study. For another, young people usually do not have much money. If young people travel abroad, it is necessary for them to spend money on transportation, accommodation or food, which will cost them a lot of money. Then they may not have sufficient money to satisfy their basic needs in life, such as food, shelter and healthcare. Therefore, traveling abroad wastes too much time and expense.

In conclusion, based on the evidence analyzed, I think traveling abroad is valuable since it is beneficial to young people’s critical thinking. However, it is important for young people to choose suitable time so that study or work is not affected. Also, young people can choose the destinations that are not very expensive.

【我自己总结的问题】
BODY1：
问题1：结论1（他们可以接触到不同的文化）不是核心词现象（年轻人在发展不同skills的关键时期）的下1个动作
问题2（不确定对不对）：critical thinking是对任何人的好处，没有突出对young people的好处
BODY2：
问题3：审题错误，题目的观点是：去国外旅游浪费了太多的时间和金钱，言外之意是去国外旅游没有用（和 a waste of time的题差不多）。而我论证的是：1、去国外旅游需要花很多时间，会影响学习和工作（就算影响了学习和工作，也不一定是浪费时间） 2、去国外旅游需要花很多钱，会影响日常生活（就算影响日常生活，也不一定是浪费钱）。错误原因是，没有仔细用中文翻译题目的意思，划关键词时，画了time和money，所以忽略了waste这个词，导致C的部分理解错了
问题4（不确定对不对）：观点说去国外旅游时浪费时间和钱，但没有说对于young people。我自己脑补了for young people。导致body2的核心词现象错误（我写的young people的核心词现象，但句子中并没有出现 young people）。

【修改后的中文逻辑】
技能1：
关键词：traveling abroad，valuable experience，young people，time ，expense
both view的题，我的观点是同意一边（traveling abroad是valuable experience）

开头：改写+观点
B1：有些人认为去国外旅游对年轻人来说是valuable experience
B2：有些人认为去国外旅游浪费太多时间和钱。
结尾：让步反驳

技能2：
B1：A（traveling abroad）-C（a valuable experience for young people）
B2：A（traveling abroad）-C（wastes too much time and expense）

技能3：
B1：那些认为年轻人去国外旅游是valuable experience的人可能这么认为。年轻人的生活经验比较少，而去国外旅游时需要在外国待一段时间。如果年轻人去国外旅游，他们就会在陌生的环境中吃饭、住宿、交通和逛景点，可能遇到日常生活遇不到的问题。在处理这些新问题的过程中，他们可能尝试各种方法，最终解决问题。问题的成功解决让他们可以积累新的生活经验。当他们以后遇到类似的问题，就能根据自己的经验快速得出问题的解决方案。

B2：那些认为去国外旅游浪费了太多的时间和金钱的人可能有如下观点。国外旅游需要在国外生活，这需要花时间和金钱，而大多数人去国外旅游可能只是在景点拍照，他们不会深入了解这些国家独特的文化。如果人们去国外旅游，可能只能获得一些外国景点的照片，没有学习到外国文化的经验。当他们遇到问题的时候，还是不会用不同国家的 文化的 经验 分析问题，不能更快地解决问题。所以去国外旅游对人们没有用，是浪费时间和钱。

结论：虽然大多数人去国外旅游时不深入了解当地文化，但他们呆在国外时，仍然不可避免地在不熟悉的环境中会遇到各种问题，在他们解决困难的过程中，仍然可以增加经验和提高处理问题的能力。所以去国外旅游是valuable的经验。