@Lynn Yang
小作文
You are invited to the old classmates party organized by an old friend. You will be participate in. Include following in your letter.
Why you want to participate in this party
Tell something about your life.
Ask some information about other friends who will possibly join
考场上写了170个字,但是有些内容想不起来了。
Dear Amy,
Thanks for inviting me to the old classmates party. I’d love to come.
I really want to take part in this party because I think our classmates have gained professional knowledge and skills in their areas. So they could share many work experiences with me, which will definitely improve my efficiency at work.
I moved to Tianjin last month and found a software tester position in a small company. By the way, my son is 2 years old now. Thank you for sharing so much useful information before about how to raise a child.
I want to know whether WangXin lives in Tianjin now. Maybe I could meet him before the party.
Hope to see you soon. Can’t wait to hear from you.
Best wishes,
Sophie
大作文
Many companies use advertisements to increase their sales. What are the main factors that make an advertisement effective? is advertisement a good thing or a bad thing for society?
考场上写了305个字,Body1和Body2字数当时写的是差不太多的
It is very common for us to see that advertisements lead to an increase in the sales of many companies. This essay will discuss the factors contributing to the success of advertisements and why I think advertisements are good for society.
Advertisements are effective for several reasons. For one thing, companies usually use celebrities to promote their products or services and these famous people have desired qualities. In such a case, people may think they could own these qualities as long as they purchase the products or services in the advertisements, which means they are relating desired qualities to the items in the advertisements. Thus, there is a high possibility that they will buy the items in the advertisements. For another, advertisements often include many innovative ideas, which makes them very interesting to the general public and consequently leaves people a great impression of the products in the advertisements. As a result, it is very likely for people to choose the products or services presented in the advertisements since these items are familiar to them.
In my opinion, advertisements have positive impacts on society. There is no doubt that advertisements encourage people to purchase more products, resulting in an increase in the demand for different products. When this is the case, companies producing them will need to hire more people to increase their output, providing more employment opportunities. Therefore, people who do not have jobs may land jobs easily and make money, which allows them to buy the things they need. This process will definitely lead to economic growth.
In conclusion, the success of advertisements is mainly caused by the celebrities who promote the products and the interesting ideas included in the advertisements. I believe the advertisements are good for the economy.
原因分析:
这次感觉大作文特别简单,用上了好几个逻辑链,写的时候也特别注意了句型的多样性(可能回忆的时候 有偏差)。
1、小作文tone有问题吗?是不是有点太正式了?我想套你之前告诉我的 I haven’t seen you for a while. Hope everything is going well with you的,但是题目说人家刚邀请他(最近有过沟通),好像说这个有点不太合适,就没有写这两句,是不是其实可以套的?
2、大作文的Body1题目问的是main factors that make an advertisement effective(什么因素导致广告能比较有效,这个隐含意思是有的广告有效、有的广告无效),这个我的topic sentence写的Advertisements are effective for several reasons(广告有效有几个原因,这个好像是默认广告都有效).是不是有点和题目说法不一样,导致考官觉得我审题错误?我当时考试的时候就犹豫要不要改,但一想,本质反正是一样,就没改。
3、body1是原因类,我没有按照 直接原因、根本原因来写。我用的是根本原因往下推导的方式(看视频课程里面说 好像可以这么推导)。是不是我这个推导方式有问题
4、最后一段总结的原因,不是直接原因,总结的是根本原因
其他问题:
1、我上次复习的时候,模拟考写了很多作文,然后发给这个老师
https://www.succeedinielts.com/改了,刚开始发了四篇,但是现在已经过了3周了,也没有给我改(我很久之前给他发过,4/5天就改完了,感觉这个老师好像消失了),所以上次准备的时候没有做批改这个事。所以还有别的批改老师推荐吗?之前推荐的这个
https://www.ielts-blog.com/check-your-ielts-writing/,我也试过,他们改的感觉和grammarly差不多,感觉学不到东西,参见附件272293_IB essay.pdf,而且有的建议和老师教的套路也不太一样(比如第一段和最后一段说要写40-50个字 The Intro paragraph should ideally be extended to about 40 to 50 words. Work on this and review the writing plan in the Suggestions below. )
2、模拟考的时候,我发现翻译的时候每句话都需要想怎么句型多样化(为了7.5)的时候,每次时间都不够用,plan的时间大概是5-10分钟,整体写完大概是45、48分钟这样(而且还在没有检查的情况下),我写作文之前还需要把每种句型列一下(简写),写的时候对一对看看是否哪一种句型可以用的,感觉这样小作文就剩不了多少时间了。所以,我是不是通过多做模拟考,可以改善翻译用时太久这个问题?
3、小作文我看了一些老师之前整理的范文,尤其是在看informal的时候,觉得老师写的挺好的,很口语话又很有画面感,但是我自己好像就不太能描述出来那些具体的场景(比如这次作文里面感觉用的很多都是比较官话的,不太口语化),不知道这个可以怎么改进?