0619机考写作6.5-麻烦Lynn帮我看看原因

考完觉得能上7.5的，没想到是6.5。
我觉得这次的题目挺简单，我写的也挺好的。
是小作文写的tone有问题吗？
或者是大作文里面，有我自己没注意到的错误？又得麻烦Lynn帮我看看

part 1

题目：You have received an important document that needs to be translated as soon as possible. You have a friend who speaks that language. Write a letter to your friend and ask him/her to translate this important document for you.
In your letter, explain -
- Why is it important for you?
- Why you need to translate it quickly
- how you will give him/her the document


我的答案：

考场上大概写了180个字左右

Dear Amy,

I haven’t seen you for a while. Hope everything is going well with you. I am writing to ask for a help.

I talked with you last month that I want to immigrate to Canada.

In order to immigrate to Canada, I need to upload many files to the Canada Immigration website. One of these files is my degree certificate which I have just received from my university. Since I studied in a university in Japan, I need to translate my degree certificate from Japanese to English. You know both Japanese and English very well. So I think you are the perfect one who can help me.

I will have my birthday next month. So I really need to finish my application as quickly as possible. If I upload my degree certificate next month, it will be unlikely for me to immigrate to Canada because they only need people who are under 30.

I will send you my degree certificate by email.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Best wishes,

Sophie


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
part2
题目：In many countries, people have more health problems because they choose to live an unhealthy life.
What do you think are the reasons for living an unhealthy life？
how can it be solved?

我的答案：

考场上大概写了330个字左右。

It is very common to see people living an unhealthy life in many places. This essay will discuss factors contributing to this problem followed by my suggestions to deal with it.

Living an unhealthy life is caused by several reasons. The main reason is that people eat a lot of unhealthy food. There is fierce competition at work. People may think that they can not secure their jobs for an extended period of time, thus working long hours to have a good performance at work so that they will not be fired. As a result, they do not have enough time to cook at home and have to order food online which contains too much salt and oil. Another reason is related to modern technologies. With the internet, smartphones and applications, people are able to do many interesting things on smartphones, such as playing video games, making video calls with friends or watching videos. When people are doing interesting things, it is very likely for them to spend a lot of time on them. Therefore, there is a high possibility that they tend to stay up late every day which is harmful to their health and leads to unhealthy lifestyle.

There are several measures that could be taken to tackle this problem. For governments, they should provide more job opportunities that allow people to balance work and life. In such a case, there is no need for people to work overtime and worry about losing their jobs, making it possible for them to prepare food at home. For individuals, they should also take actions. They should raise their awareness of the negative impacts of going to bed late and reduce the time spent on their mobile phones.

In conclusion, based on the evidence analysed, people’s unhealthy lifestyle is caused by fierce competition at work and the long time spent on mobiles phones. The solutions rely on the contribution from both governments and individuals.



PS：
1、口语这次上7了（不知道是不是运气好，因为那个考官问我是学生还是工作，我说工作，他还问我你学习的daily routine是啥，我又说了一遍我工作了。可能他觉得虚了？）
2、不管有没有用，已经申请复议 写作了