为什么这篇文章有7.5分 学生Michelle提供

题目：The best way for government to solve the problem of traffic congestion is to provide free public transports in 24 hours per day, and seven days a week. Do you agree or disagree?

开头

While some people believe that the best approach to traffic congestion problem is to offer public transport for free 24 hours a day without stops, I would argue that there are better solutions such as raising oil price and developing new routes for public transport.

Comment: 改写了题目 表明了自己的观点 没问题 有一些可以改进的地方

without stop没必要写 写了别扭

汽油价格写 price of petrol

交通堵塞问题写 the problem of traffic congestion

公共交通路线写 new public transport routes

更好的句子

While some people believe that the best approach to the problem of traffic congestion is to offer public transport for free 24 hours a day, I would argue that there are better solutions such as raising the price of petrol and developing new public transport routes

body1

第一句

It is undeniable that traffic congestion can be mitigated by providing free public transport frequently.

Comment: Topic Sentence 很好 但是这题说的是24小时7天的免费 不是frequently 而是all the time

mitigated 不认识 写reduced也可以 不影响分数

更好的句子

It is undeniable that traffic congestion can be mitigated by providing free public transport all the time.

第二句

This approach could attract more people to choose public transport over private cars because they do not need to pay for the maintenance and gas fees for their private cars if they take a bus or a metro.

Comment 句子正确 没问题

第三句第四句

Despite the benefit above, providing free public transport all day is unnecessary and unrealistic. Such a policy would require massive investment in public transportation and the government would spend too much money on it.

Comment 句子正确 没问题