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题目：The best way for government to solve the problem of traffic congestion is to provide free public transports in 24 hours per day, and seven days a week. Do you agree or disagree?
开头
While some people believe that the best approach to traffic congestion problem is to offer public transport for free 24 hours a day without stops, I would argue that there are better solutions such as raising oil price and developing new routes for public transport.
Comment: 改写了题目 表明了自己的观点 没问题 有一些可以改进的地方
without stop没必要写 写了别扭
汽油价格写 price of petrol
交通堵塞问题写 the problem of traffic congestion
公共交通路线写 new public transport routes
更好的句子
While some people believe that the best approach to the problem of traffic congestion is to offer public transport for free 24 hours a day, I would argue that there are better solutions such as raising the price of petrol and developing new public transport routes
body1
第一句
It is undeniable that traffic congestion can be mitigated by providing free public transport frequently.
Comment: Topic Sentence 很好 但是这题说的是24小时7天的免费 不是frequently 而是all the time
mitigated 不认识 写reduced也可以 不影响分数
更好的句子
It is undeniable that traffic congestion can be mitigated by providing free public transport all the time.
第二句
This approach could attract more people to choose public transport over private cars because they do not need to pay for the maintenance and gas fees for their private cars if they take a bus or a metro.
Comment 句子正确 没问题
第三句第四句
Despite the benefit above, providing free public transport all day is unnecessary and unrealistic. Such a policy would require massive investment in public transportation and the government would spend too much money on it.
Comment 句子正确 没问题
开头
While some people believe that the best approach to traffic congestion problem is to offer public transport for free 24 hours a day without stops, I would argue that there are better solutions such as raising oil price and developing new routes for public transport.
Comment: 改写了题目 表明了自己的观点 没问题 有一些可以改进的地方
without stop没必要写 写了别扭
汽油价格写 price of petrol
交通堵塞问题写 the problem of traffic congestion
公共交通路线写 new public transport routes
更好的句子
While some people believe that the best approach to the problem of traffic congestion is to offer public transport for free 24 hours a day, I would argue that there are better solutions such as raising the price of petrol and developing new public transport routes
body1
第一句
It is undeniable that traffic congestion can be mitigated by providing free public transport frequently.
Comment: Topic Sentence 很好 但是这题说的是24小时7天的免费 不是frequently 而是all the time
mitigated 不认识 写reduced也可以 不影响分数
更好的句子
It is undeniable that traffic congestion can be mitigated by providing free public transport all the time.
第二句
This approach could attract more people to choose public transport over private cars because they do not need to pay for the maintenance and gas fees for their private cars if they take a bus or a metro.
Comment 句子正确 没问题
第三句第四句
Despite the benefit above, providing free public transport all day is unnecessary and unrealistic. Such a policy would require massive investment in public transportation and the government would spend too much money on it.
Comment 句子正确 没问题
