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题目：some people think that increasing international business and cultural contacts is a positive trend, while others think that it leads to a loss of national identity. discuss both views and give you own opinion
body2
第一二句
On the other hand, it is though my some that increasing business and cultural contacts can lead to a loss of national identities.
This is because these contacts can make people interested in other countries’ business and culture.
Comment
很好的topic sentence 第二句也没问题
第三句
People can then start to learn about other countries’ culture, which can lead to a combination of culture between one country and those of others
中文的逻辑是人们开始互相学习文化 然后文化之间互相影响 还是翻译难了 翻译就是翻译大概意思就可以了 要保证写得对 如果文化作主语不好写 那就一直让人做主语就可以了 重复不影响7分
7分的句子
People can then start to learn about other countries’ culture, which can lead to citizens of the two countries learning more about each other
第四句
Meanwhile, people start to purchase other computer’s products as they always like new and creative things. Then people begin to ignore the original products, which were produced in their country.
上面的Cohesion and Coherence是6分 这里不用meanwhile和then
因为他们喜欢新的东西这个原因和international business and cultural contacts没关系 因为外国的和新的不是一个意思 如果混在一起说还要解释为什么外国的是新的
7份的句子
The danger is that as people start to purchase other countries' products, they start to ignore the original products of their own country
第五句
This means that it is true that The mixture of culture and the change of business model can make people lose their national identities.
这里的this means that it is true that是不必要的 写了反而影响Cohesion and Coherence的分数
这个文章的Cohesion and Coherence是6，但是如果注意同学们注意了句子之间的关系 这部分是很容易提高的
body2
第一二句
On the other hand, it is though my some that increasing business and cultural contacts can lead to a loss of national identities.
This is because these contacts can make people interested in other countries’ business and culture.
Comment
很好的topic sentence 第二句也没问题
第三句
People can then start to learn about other countries’ culture, which can lead to a combination of culture between one country and those of others
中文的逻辑是人们开始互相学习文化 然后文化之间互相影响 还是翻译难了 翻译就是翻译大概意思就可以了 要保证写得对 如果文化作主语不好写 那就一直让人做主语就可以了 重复不影响7分
7分的句子
People can then start to learn about other countries’ culture, which can lead to citizens of the two countries learning more about each other
第四句
Meanwhile, people start to purchase other computer’s products as they always like new and creative things. Then people begin to ignore the original products, which were produced in their country.
上面的Cohesion and Coherence是6分 这里不用meanwhile和then
因为他们喜欢新的东西这个原因和international business and cultural contacts没关系 因为外国的和新的不是一个意思 如果混在一起说还要解释为什么外国的是新的
7份的句子
The danger is that as people start to purchase other countries' products, they start to ignore the original products of their own country
第五句
This means that it is true that The mixture of culture and the change of business model can make people lose their national identities.
这里的this means that it is true that是不必要的 写了反而影响Cohesion and Coherence的分数
这个文章的Cohesion and Coherence是6，但是如果注意同学们注意了句子之间的关系 这部分是很容易提高的
