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K.I.S.S. IELTS

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  2022年4月30日, 星期六
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题目:Some people think that children should be encouraged to play outdoor games that require physical activity instead of playing computer games in the home. Do you agree or disagree?


考场答案:
It is believed that children should be encouraged to play outdoor games that require physical activity rather than playing computer games at home. I strongly disagree with this opinion.

Playing outdoor games is beneficial to children’s school performance. Children usually have weak immune systems. If children are able to play outdoor games that require physical activity, their immune systems will be improved, thus reducing the risk of catching disease. When children do not get sick very often, they do not have to miss classes frequently ,which helps them to spend enough time in school. As a result, there is a high possibility that they could have a good performance at school.

However, playing computer games in the home also brings benefits to children’s study. Computer games often present different kinds of knowledge in an interactive way, for example, children can operate a gun in a way game. If children play computer games in the home, they might think that those kinds of knowledge are very interesting and consequently remember them easily. If they learn the same knowledge at school, they could understand them better than other children, which helps them to get a higher score.

In conclusion, based on the evidence analysed, both playing outdoor games that need physical activity and playing computer games in the home should be encouraged because they can bring complementary benefits.

个人分析
(1)可能是body2核心词现象写的不好?interactive太抽象了?是不是需要先说 孩子们玩computer games的时候,需要在游戏里做一些操作,然后再推到结论1(interactive),但我觉得直接写interactive也没啥大毛病
(2)最后一段总结有问题。结尾套用模板句 bring complementary benefits 有点不符合本文的论点,我两个论点都说的是对孩子学习好,所以不叫 complementary benefits
(3)可能写作过程中,有一些笔误(但不确定有没有了),比如 I strongly disagree with this opinion中with可能漏写了,写成了 I strongly disagree this opinion。比如based on the evidence analysed可能写成了as the evidence analysed。可能还有个别单词拼写有错误和单复数问题,当时没有太多时间检查所以不太确定了。

我的问题
(1)麻烦老师帮忙分析看看可能是哪一块出了问题
(2)我的目标是7.5分,我还有什么地方可以改进和加强的?
(3)我2周后还报了机考,这期间我该做什么样的练习还改进?
就一个主要问题: Body 2 核心词现象有问题


1. 你要论证的是, computer 可以带来哪些,outdoor games 没有的好处,没有体现对比

Playing computer games can improve children's cognitive skills which are also important to their future development.

2. 核心词现象,需要是 这个核心词 独特的
Computer games often present different kinds of knowledge in an interactive way
看电视也可以present knowledge in an interactive way

computer games require students to use their hands and eyes together and react quickly to the information presented on the screen >

If ...
他们的 eye-hand coordination 会更好

作业: 把题库 所有高频题的 核心词现象 自己写一下 自我纠错,同时 再练习2021年的题
大约3周前
·
#2878
这个写成了play outdoor games 和 playing computer games都对 children的学习有帮助(school performance, study),所以偏题了。而且字数没到250。


play outdoor games 对children有好处,好处1,好处2
playing computer games 对children有好处,好处1, 好处2
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